terça-feira, 3 de janeiro de 2017

Music interpretation: The 1975 – Undo

This song is about a relationship, about a person who loves another, but stay away while having this feeling. The song is passing after the love is gone; the person who doesn’t admire anymore, the one who first was a reference of his feelings, is feeling kinda nostalgic, wanting to see the old person, who he loved, again but are not able of doing that. At the same time, the song talks about deconstruction, about the ability of destroying ideals, goals, impressions and love. The song is about how much important is for us to have illusion, to fight to maintain them, and how difficult is to destroy and deconstruct them.

"Twist around the lounge
Sun drowns the house
Stick another pill in my head and go to bed
We're not doing it again so leave it"

The song begins with the singer going around, with no direction, in some room, while the sun is illuminating the house, making it seems to drown because the intensity of the solar rays. He is taking some kind of medicine, something that seems to alleviate pain, a pill designed to make him forget and feel better; in this particular case he feels the necessity to forget about a person, who is not around him anymore, and that he misses very much. This person that he is thinking about helps him to feel better, and avoid pain.

"I didn't even see you when I liked you
Now I ain't got no time
Girl I wanna see you undo it
I wanna see you but you're not mine"

The singer is talking about how he did not see the girl he loved when he felt something for her, he probably did that to maintain his illusions about her, to maintain the beautiful image that he had in his head. Keeping this impression only in his imagination he could avoid destroying it, could avoid deconstruct it. But the time goes on, and, even not seeing her, he deconstructed it; now that he doesn’t have this amazing image about her in his imagination, he feels that he could talk and see this girl, he wants to see her deconstruct the feeling that he thinks she has about him, he wants to see her doing what he did, but he cannot do that, because now she has another person.

"Bombs have run out
Call round the town
I could hear you giving her head she said
You think we're doing it again keep dreaming"

After the things that were bad, for the person who wrote this song, run out, after the things that caused pain just disappeared, the singer feels more relaxed, happier. In this new scenario, he doesn’t feel anymore the necessity to maintain his dreams about his old love affair. He said that she could hear him staying with another person, making her head, this indicates that she is thinking about him, but he just say to her keep dreaming, because they will not be together anymore, they will not have the old relationship again.

quarta-feira, 14 de dezembro de 2016

Music interpretation: Fall out boy - I am like a lawyer with the way i am always trying to get you off (me & you)

This song is an intelligent construction that talks about personal and pessimistic feelings, evolution and, of course, about a love relationship. Fun fact: the lawyer in the title is related to the capacity of manipulating things, people and events, giving them new meanings and interpretations.

"Last years wishes are this years apologies
Every last time I come home
I take my last chance, to burn a bridge or two
I only keep myself this sick in the head
'Cause I know how the words get you' (off)"

 The singer starts the song talking about how the last year’s wishes, the last year’s resolutions for life and the ideas to improve it, become the excuses of this present time; as an example of that, we can say that the person in this song wished to be more intelligent, as a path to do so he thinks about reading more, but, at the end, he just did not do that, then this resolution becomes his actual excuse, becomes something that he just regret about and have to use apologies to justify this failure in attempting something that he impose to himself. In this sense, he says that he is constantly deconstructing an image of a lover, that he had in his head, he also is saying that he keeps this troubled thoughts about a person in his head because he is able to let it go, to put it aside. (in this case he makes the reference of the title of the song, saying that he is like a lawyer, he can manipulate the reality and change aspects of it, giving new interpretations that allow him to change thoughts and impression and wishes, etc.)

"We're the new face of failure
Prettier and younger but not any better off
Bulletproof loneliness
At best, at best"

He starts to talk about how them are the new face of failure, being this failure related to their parents, and the bad habits and bad choices of them, this bothers the person who is talking about all that. At the same time that he despises their parents characteristics, he realize that he is not so different of it, just another face of this failure, only younger and prettier, but not different. At the same time, he talks about his ability of being indifferent to loneliness, his great capacity of not carrying about being alone.

"Me and you, setting in a honeymoon
(If I woke up next to you, if I woke up next to you)
Me and you, setting in a honeymoon
(If I woke up next to you, if I woke up next to you)"

In the riff he comes back to his lover, and starts to imagine about being with her, to spending time with her…

"Collect the bad habits
That you couldn't bear to keep
Out of the woods, but I love
A tree I used to lay beneath
Kiss teeth stained red
From a sour bottle baby girl
With eyes the size of baby worlds"

He starts to talk about the person who is in his mind, who are the content of his thoughts, he talks about how he loves her bad habits, that she tries to hide but that she cannot. He keeps saying how he likes her, and he compares her to a tree in a wood, the one who is sour bottle – a term that we can translate as being a sincere, with a huge imagination and complex – baby girl, with big and interesting eyes, who attracts him and makes him be amazed.

"The best way to make it through
With hearts and wrists intact
Is to realize two out of three ain't bad
Ain't bad (I’m like a lawyer)"

At the end, he says that the best way of getting along with this love story, to be okay with that and to not think about suicide – keeping the wrists intact -, is by realizing that two out of three is not a bad thing. This comparison is related to a famous study about love, that talks about the 3 characteristics of love, the first one is passion, the second is intimacy and the third is commitment, because of the song we can presume that they have the first ones aspects of love but they don’t have the third one, a thing the singer thinks isn’t bad. 

terça-feira, 13 de dezembro de 2016

Music interpretation: Fall out boy - Moving pictures

This song talks about a person who cannot stand anymore to be around someone who he used to love before.

"last night I saw a movie
and I thought about many movies I’ve seen at your house
excuse me if I’m rude
but I’d rather that we just strike from the record, ones I’d see again without you
leaning on my shoulder
distracting me from the plotline"

At the beginning the person who is singing talks about a movie that he saw last night, this movie makes him remember about many movies and things he used to do with an old friend. At the same time, when he is remembering nice moments about being with this person, being around this person, he also is thinking about how stressful and painful become being around this person; this duality seems to be more close to the despise, and we can notice that when the person who is singing talks that he’d prefer to erase this memories, because now he prefer to watch this things without this old friend. Even wishing to forget everything about this person, he end up remembering scenes with his friend when they watched movies together; he remember how this person lean on his shoulder and distract him from the plotline…

"where can I go when I want you around
but I can’t stand to be around you
'go home'
I'll walk myself to you
I'll walk myself away from here"

He keeps saying how he feels about this duality of his feelings towards a specific person. He is confused about his wish to still want to see and be around the old person, that is combined, at the same time, with a wish to stay as far as possible of this same person. When he thinks like that, he cannot know what do, or where to go; he says that when he feels like that he should go home – in this case home is related to a safe place, somewhere nice and secure and happy -, then he say that he goes toward the person – as a reference to home – and after that he says that he goes away from this person – also as being a reference of going home.

"'go to hell' is all I thought for seven weeks
but I grew out of that phase looking at these broken photographs of people
looking glossed just like a summer ago"

This confusion irritates him, at the same time, he is upset about thinking only about it for seven weeks, for a long time. After this “waste of time thinking about an old person and now unreal”, he says that he got over this phase of look back to broke photographs of people, he got over thinking about people who exists only in his imagination and not in the real life anymore. He is tired of looking to people who was special and incredible – as if they were glossed – and are not like that anymore.

"'call me back' i'm pleading with a cork in my head
it wouldn't be the first time
my pillow has been mistaken"

After talking about all these disturbed thoughts, about this double thinking, he wants this persons to come around again, to come back as the way he remember. He wants this in despair, away from the person while he is going to sleep and has only the image of the person in his imagination, saying that this wouldn’t be the first time when he wanted that, and that he was mistaken, that he is wrong about having bad thoughts about how this person becomes insipid.

"can't stand to be around you
around you, around you
cant stand to be around you
cant stand, I cant stand
to be around you"

Even after thinking in despair - remembering the person that exists only in his imagination - about how much he must be wrong about hating the person he used to love, he says that he tried to see this person, and outside his imagination he just cannot stand to see this person, he cannot stand to be around her anymore.

Music interpretation: The 1975 - This must be my dream

"I personify the adolescent on a phone
Speaking like I'm bigger than my body
I personify that lack of freedom in your life
And I'm sure she'll be gone in a second"

The first sentence of the song is related to the imagination of the person who is singing, in his head he creates a figure of a young girl speaking at the phone, saying that she is bigger than her body; this phrase is related to think about goals and capacities that are way bigger than our bodies or physical limitations. At the same time, the guy also thinks about the lack of freedom of the person who is the reference for the girl he created in his mind, in the real life this person has many limitations and incapacities, but all these things that hold and creat limitations, to the real person, will be gone in a second, because in the imagination all these limitations can be destroyed, allowing the development of someone bigger and stronger than ever. 

"Let me tell you 'bout this girl
I thought she'd rearrange my world
Takes a particular type of girl
To put my heart under arrest
So why is this feeling on my chest?"

He keeps talking about this girl in his imagination; in his mind he thought that she could rearrange his world, could give him coherence and a well defined structure of his world, of his thoughts, destroying doubts and, consequently, the despair. While he is thinking about this kind of girl, who can do such things, he starts to think about previous girls who did that with him, he came to the conclusion that it takes a rare and special type of girl to make he feels like that, to allow him to direct his mind towards someone, to creat an illusion based on a person; the rarity of this occurrence makes him doubt of the reality of this feeling, of his mind developments.

"(This must be my dream)
Wide awake before I found you
(This must be my dream)
I can't wait for you boy
(Wake me from my dream)
What does all our love amount to?
(This must be my dream)
We can't make love when you fly around me baby"

After questioning himself, he came to the conclusion that this must be only a dream, that this must exist only in his mind, only in his deep and unware thoughts. He also starts to questioning about what this love is equivalent, what this really means. At the end he came to the conclusion that he cannot have a relationship with this girl, because she is just flying around him, she is not real and exists only in his imagination.

"Pipe down, you're no lover
This feeling keeps your body tune
Well, I thought it was love but I guess I must be dreaming
'Bout feeling something instead of you"

He keeps saying to himself to calm down, to let it go, because is not real, but, despite the unreal aspect, this feeling is able to keep his body tuned, makes him feel better. He thought it could be love, but maybe he just created a huge and unreal character in his mind, taking as reference someone that is not equal to the person created, his "ghost" is not equivalent to the real person.

"What did I tell you 'bout this girl?
The one to rearrange your world?
You got excited and now you find out that
Your 'girl' won't even get you undressed
Or care about your beating chest"

He starts to question what he could tell about the girl who he created in his mind, the one who could be able to make him feel better, who could rearrange his world… he says that she makes him fells better at the beginning, but after the discovery of the unreality of this thought, of the incapacity of the girl in his imagination to care about him, to really be around him, to touch him, he just deconstruct what he was feeling, he just don’t care and doesn’t believe in his deep creations and interpretations, and put his effort in letting aside this feeling and this unreal interpretation. But even knowing all that, he probably cannot forget it, he cannot just let it go.

terça-feira, 30 de agosto de 2016

Sobre a cultura organizacional

           Na última organização onde trabalhei, a cultura organizacional era quase que absolutamente informal, sem que ninguém se preocupasse em defini-la ou regulá-la com precisão. Entretanto, mesmo com essa ausência de controle, em um parâmetro fundamental de uma empresa, todos os colaboradores seguiam normas que eram compartilhadas por todos. A palavra Deus era usada por todos, constantemente, sendo eles incapazes de definir com precisão o que aquilo queria dizer, mas que, de alguma forma, trazia conforto e satisfação quando pronunciada. As pessoas tinham como principal objetivo o sexo, e todos valorizavam isso acima de tudo; no entanto, essas mesmas pessoas associavam o acúmulo de capital a oportunidades de transarem com pessoas melhores, e isso fazia com que elas se dedicassem a seus trabalhos, assiduamente, pois pensavam que promoções e aumentos lhes proporcionariam mais, e melhores, oportunidades de sexo. Essa mentalidade básica, que era seguida por todos, sem exceções, era explicita naqueles que eram chamados de “peões” e implícita, floreada e disfarçada, em pessoas que ocupavam cargos que exigiam maior esforço intelectual. Aqueles que conseguiam disfarçar bem sua sexualidade exagerada e doentia eram tidos como sendo educados e inteligentes. Um dia, um desses seres “super-educados” disse que leu um livro de Freud; todos do seu setor ficaram curiosos e o consideraram como sendo um dos poucos homens que havia lido aquilo que consideravam como sendo uma espécie de “bíblia contemporânea”. Em uma outra situação, um homem disse que havia ido na igreja; ninguém entendeu o que queria dizer aquilo, então o homem tentou explicar o que era: “Ah, eu fui por curiosidade, achei que era uma espécie de museu; chegando lá peguei um papel na porta, que era tipo um itinerário, com músicas e textos. Um homem com uma roupa esquisita ficava lendo um livro para as pessoas. Lá dentro pude ver umas imagens e estátuas legais, mas quando tentei andar pelo local, para vê-las melhor e mais de perto, percebi que as pessoas, pelas suas reações, não aprovavam essa minha atitude, então retornei ao lugar onde estava sentado e fiquei imitando o que todos à minha volta faziam.” Tudo mundo continuou olhando, meio sem entenderem nada; então alguém falou: “Esse local pode ser considerado como sendo um de clube do livro.” Aquele que havia ido à igreja pensou por um momento e disse, logo em seguida: “Você tem razão, é exatamente isso. Um grandioso clube do livro.” Todos acharam aquilo interessante; o mesmo homem que havia definido aquele local como sendo um clube do livro disse: “ E ainda dizem que a literatura está em baixa hoje em dia.” Todos riram e voltaram aos seus afazeres.

Não confie em ninguém

             A empresa Oleto se preparava para um momento crucial de sua breve existência. A sociedade limitada, que foi fundada há 7 anos e era especializada em processos de automação inovadores — sendo a logística ousada, que integrava vários setores da empresa, o principal diferencial. Mesmo com essa vantagem comercial gritante, que reduzia em larga escala o tempo de realização dos serviços, a empresa vivenciava um momento tenebroso.
            A ampliação de um dos setores, durante um momento econômico de recessão prolongada, havia reduzido drasticamente o caixa; atrelado a essa redução exagerada, a companhia não conseguia atrair novos clientes, novos projetos, fazendo com que os fluxos de caixa se tornassem cada vez menores, obrigando os dirigentes a realizarem massivos cortes de gastos, que incluíram demissões, reduções de cargas horárias, racionamentos e reengenharia de processos.
            Mesmo com a redução dos gastos, a empresa não conseguiria se manter viva por muito tempo. A única esperança consistia na entrada de um grande serviço, que estava sendo orçado e exigia muito esforço por parte da reduzida equipe da Oleto.
            O possível cliente, que era uma multinacional de destaque, deixava clara a realização de múltiplos orçamentos, com diferentes empresas. Esse fator aumentava, por si só, o nível de exigência requerido aos funcionários. Entretanto, para agravar ainda mais o estresse que a situação gerava, o possível cliente exigia a realização de tarefas e apresentações periódicas, sendo elas as principais responsáveis por determinar quem iria produzir o serviço grandioso.
            Os setores de programação e hardware se preparavam para uma apresentação conjunta, de extrema importância, que, de acordo com os representantes da multinacional, seria a etapa decisiva em se tratando da escolha do fornecedor.
            O setor de programação possuía dois funcionários: 1 dirigente e 1 engenheiro elétrico; muitos dos trabalhadores do setor tinham sido demitidos, todos sendo indicados pelo dirigente. Os primeiros dispensados do setor foram aqueles que não compartilhavam das ideias do dirigente, de suas aflições e ódios. O único funcionário remanescente era alguém que compartilhava das crenças e pontos de vista do seu superior imediato. Os dois desprezavam o dirigente do setor de hardware, sendo esse desprezo agravado em função da possibilidade de promoção, para o cargo de diretor de processos, que estava vago e poderia ser preenchido em um momento futuro, onde a situação econômica fosse melhor.
            Rodrigo, o dirigente do setor de programação, admitia a superioridade hierárquica de seus dirigentes. Ele atribuía essa superioridade a oportunidades de estudos, as quais ele não teve, fazendo com que ele se conformasse com seu papel inferior; no entanto, ele constantemente se imaginava como possuidor de oportunidades similares, o que fazia com que, em sua imaginação, se tornasse superior a todos os dirigentes, fazendo com que desprezasse, até certo ponto, as posições de seus superiores, que, em sua mente, poderiam ser muito melhores. Apesar desse desprezo oculto, Rodrigo era solicito e sempre procurava agradar aos chefes, fazendo uso de expressões completamente artificiais que poderiam ser identificadas facilmente através de uma observação um pouco mais aprofundada. Ele mantinha tais relações com muita habilidade, sem que ninguém desconfiasse dos motivos egoístas de suas ações, que visavam nada além do que a autopromoção, nada além do que melhores oportunidades dentro da empresa. Essa constatação, por mais simples que possa parecer, não era obtida por ninguém, o que permitia a manutenção da estima dos dirigentes, em função de atitudes falsas e calculadas. As pessoas nunca prestam atenção em nada!
            A subordinação e aceitação de inferioridade com muitos deslocamentos, logicamente de Rodrigo se restringia apenas aos dirigentes. Em relação aos outros funcionários, ele não admitia se enxergar como sendo inferior. A todo o momento em que isso ocorria, ele se sentia muito mal e reduzido, fazendo com que se esforçasse ao máximo para desvalorizar aquilo que lhe causava dor. De posse dessa característica intrínseca, ele era exímio na tarefa de reduzir e desprezar os feitos alheios.
            O trabalho excessivo, para a preparação da apresentação via videoconferência, havia desgastado João, que sofria com problemas de saúde. Essa debilidade inesperada fez com que ele tomasse uma medida drástica.
            Ele chamou Rodrigo em particular e lhe pediu um favor:
            “Oh, estou me sentindo muito mal. Você poderia me fazer um grande favor?”
            “Claro! É só falar. E, por sinal, gostei muito da sua camisa, a cor é muito bonita, e os detalhes são harmoniosos, além disso, ela parece ser muito confortável. Onde comprou?”
            “Obrigado! Comprei em uma loja no shopping, depois te passo o nome dela.”
            “Ah, muito obrigado. Seria muita gentileza de sua parte. E me desculpe pela interrupção, não pude evitar deixar de fazer tal observação de algo que me agradou bastante. Por favor, continue com o que queria me falar.”
            “Oh, claro... Eu pensei que poderia aguentar até a apresentação, mas vejo que me enganei em pensar dessa forma. Sinto, nesse momento, que preciso, urgentemente, ir ao médico. Tenho medo de que não consiga voltar a tempo para a apresentação. Gostaria de informar a algum dos dirigentes sobre essa situação, mas nenhum deles se encontra presente no momento. Tentei até mesmo ligar para um deles, mas deu ocupado, acho que eles também estão se preparando para a apresentação...”
            “Você tem certeza que não consegue aguentar até a apresentação? Você não me parece tão mal, e sei que é forte e pode aguentar até lá.”
“Bem que eu queria, mas é impossível, não estou me aguentando em pé.”
“Isso é uma pena! Em relação aos dirigentes, fui informado que eles estão em uma reunião particular, elaborando algumas estratégias para conseguirem, na videoconferência de hoje, fechar o serviço. Acho que você não deveria incomodá-los.”
“Entendo... Acho que você tem razão.”
Ele olhou receoso para Rodrigo, e, após um breve momento de hesitação, disse:
“Meu amigo, eu realmente preciso ir ao médico. Se eu não voltar a tempo, você poderia fazer a minha apresentação? Sei que é pedir demais, mas a situação é urgente.”
“Não se preocupe, amigo. Farei isso por você. Antes, gostaria de saber se preparou algumas referências impressas para a apresentação, Assim como também gostaria de saber se sou o único a ser informado dessa sua partida inesperada.”
A expressão maliciosa de Rodrigo era gritante, mas não pôde ser percebida por João, que era incapaz de relacionar algumas características a determinados pensamentos e possibilidades, o que fazia com que os aspectos mais chamativos e perigosos permanecessem incógnitos.
“Oh, meu amigo. Muito obrigado, muito obrigado mesmo! Eu separei algumas folhas que estão na minha mesa e deverão ser utilizadas como referência para a apresentação. E sim, você é o único a ser informado sobre isso; tentei aguentar até a apresentação, mas vejo agora que não consigo, e que essa foi uma péssima ideia, que fez com que eu me desgastasse ainda mais. Essa minha tentativa me deixou ainda pior, fazendo com que eu não mais seja capaz de aguentar nada, estou muito mal, preciso urgentemente ir ao médico. Você poderia avisar aos dirigentes sobre isso? Você acha que pode realizar a minha apresentação? Ela é de suma importância para o...”
Rodrigo o interrompeu e disse com convicção:
“Pode deixar comigo, João. Conheço o suficiente sobre o seu setor para ser capaz de realizar a apresentação. Além disso, trabalhamos muito tempo, conjuntamente, em nossas apresentações, aspecto esse que me permite apresentar o seu trabalho, assim como lhe permitiria apresentar o meu.”
“Isso é verdade.”
Respondeu João, mais aliviado.
“Agora que já resolvemos esse assunto importante, acho que você deveria ir, imediatamente, ao médico. Sinto muito em dizer isso, mas, realmente, você parece estar muito mal. Pode deixar que avisarei a todos sobre sua ausência”
“Você tem razão, Rodrigo. Nem ao menos consigo me aguentar de pé. Vou imediatamente ao médico, até mais. E, mais uma vez, muito obrigado.”
João saiu apressado, enquanto Rodrigo permanecia imóvel, absorto em pensamentos intermináveis. Aquilo que se desenhava à sua frente parecia ser a situação ideal, com a qual ele sempre sonhara. Em sua mente, ele se deparava com a oportunidade ideal para desmoralizar João e torna-lo um personagem secundário na disputa pelo cargo de diretor de processos.
Ele já havia imaginado todos os aspectos que o beneficiariam. Ele iria fingir-se surpreso, assim como todos os presentes na apresentação, com a ausência de João. Ao mesmo tempo, ele planejava tentar realizar a apresentação alheia, com isso mostrando comprometimento para com o projeto, característica essa que ele iria se esforçar para mostrar que o outro dirigente, que se ausentou, não possuía.
O plano inescrupuloso deveria ser muito bem executado, pois qualquer falha poderia fazer com que tudo aquilo se voltasse contra ele.
Mesmo com uma grande possibilidade de erro, Rodrigo se sentiu confiante, e encarava aquela situação como sendo a oportunidade perfeita, e única, podendo até mesmo resultar na demissão de João. A época tenebrosa pela qual passava a empresa não descartava tal possibilidade. Em sua mente uma linha de pensamento o encantava: “Muitos funcionários foram demitidos sem nenhuma falta grave, imagine o que ocorrerá, nesse momento delicado pelo qual passamos, com um funcionário que comete uma falta grave, ainda mais relacionada com o projeto mais importante da existência dessa empresa. Com certeza ele será demitido e eu não mais terei concorrentes para a posição de diretor de processos”.
Esses pensamentos percorriam, incessantemente, a sua mente.

Naquela noite, durante a videoconferência, Rodrigo apresentou sua parte do projeto e tentou apresentar a parte de João, sempre salientando a falta de respeito do colega em não o avisar sobre sua ausência. A todo o momento ele salientava o fato, fazendo com que os dirigentes, que estavam presentes na apresentação, se sentissem ainda mais inconformados com aquela ausência inesperada.
Os representantes da multinacional se sentiram incomodados com a ausência, considerando-a como uma falta de comprometimento imperdoável, que colocava em dúvida a capacidade da Oleto em cumprir as tarefas que deveria executar para a realização do grandioso serviço, sendo essas suspeitas suficientes para abalar a confiança e, consequentemente, a possibilidade de realização de negócios.
Essa característica fez com que a ausência de João fosse agravada ainda mais.
Ao mesmo tempo que a Oleto perdia sua principal chance de salvação, Rodrigo se esforçava para deteriorar, ainda mais, a imagem do colega, que, após retornar à empresa depois de alguns dias internado com pneumonia, se tornou absurdamente abjeta.
            Mesmo com suas tentativas esforçadas de defesa, a mentalidade dos dirigentes já estava decidida. Em função daquilo que consideravam ser uma ausência sem aviso prévio, sem qualquer tipo de comunicação a quem quer que fosse, em um momento de extrema importância para a empresa, e que comprometeu um projeto importante, João foi demitido e o seu setor foi integrado ao setor de programação.

A tale about love and stupidity

           She always been an unusual girl, obscure. On her face was possible to verify that she was unable to control herself; this aspect was accompanied with a strong impression of a person who overflow, exhaling an intense energy, profound and savage, in all directions. The lack of illusions or a stablished structure, or way, made her able to see many aspects that were hidden to the other persons, because their illusions and well defined mental structures. This aspect made her extremely inconstant, mutable, mysterious and unpredictable, being dependent of the external environment do define her character, being a whole new person depending on each situation that she was facing. With this mutable aspect of her constitution, she constantly felt as if her world was falling apart; the absence of defined structures, of illusions and mechanisms that make feelings less intense, made her feel a deep strength, coming from the deepest spots of her mind, every time when she faced a new situation, or a deconstruction that destroyed her weak structures, her mutable structures, and made her feel low, feel bad, attribute that inspired her to change these obscure and terrifying scenarios that were formed in her mind. That strength was something that make people jealous, for sure; however, for a spectator who pays more attention was possible to identify a deep trauma, an unusual mental constitution, as the generator of all that wild impulse, of all that will. It seemed that she possessed a rare ability that I have never seen before; her mind had kind of a huge capacity of imagination, an incredible ability of giving a rational interpretation to many of her deep feelings, attribute that make her deconstruct every well directed and strong unconscious conceptual construction in her mind, making her face the reality without illusions or ideas that make things easier and less intense. Her energy was created by scary scenarios, by hurtful memories, and has as a goal changing everything that bothers her, transforming the painful scenarios.  Every new activity, every new attempt, was seen, by her, as a chance of salvation, as an opportunity to change everything that terrifies her. Everyone should have the opportunity to see her, to see her capacity of trying, that was almost unbelievable; constantly I saw her body full with cuts, bruises, burns and injuries, all in function of her intense attempts, or, to be more precise, almost everything.
            Some of her scars and bruises were not descendant only of her untamed will; and it seemed almost unbelievable for a girl who loves to be alone and who pushed away, wisely and carefully, everyone who tried to know her better, who tried to approach her, motivated by her special aspects that in the minds of the admirers make them imagining as being owners of these characteristics that make them felt more potent and strong as never before that a few hurts on her body were caused by people who were next to her. I have never saw someone being so hated, it is serious, and the reasons for that were vast and multiple. In the first place, people around her hated her almost unconsciously, these sensations came as if they where something profound and mysterious, as a strong feeling that they did not have enough imagination and a logical capacity to measure with precision, to bring out from the dark corners of their minds and to set in a more illuminated spot, making them acting in function of these unconscious feelings and interpretations without being able to measure, control and change them. When she entered in any place it seemed as if she was kind of a wrecking, a wild destruction capable to pulverize any well directed mind structure; only with her intense and unique way of being she made everyone starts to question their most profound illusions, that even with a small touch of doubt made people desperate, making them hate, intensely, what started this despiteful feeling. In other persons, her unusual way stimulated an intense curiosity, a deep and strong admiration; she, that presented a constitution absolutely new, cannot be defined with precision by anyone, this happened in function of the lack of similar references that could be used as a base for a possible classification; without an usual reference she was developed only by other’s people imagination, that we all know that are unreal and exaggerated, making her become an intense and beautiful symbol, that promised unimagined rewards in the deepest spots of other people’s mind; and the common sense have the courage, the ignorance, to say that beauty is only a symmetric  facial traits, or a body that is the latest trend… This reason, that only seems to stay away from a profound hate, made many people try to talk to her, to know her, and they were rejected, rapidly, by that different and special person. The motivation for these rejections was obvious: Those people were limited and cannot proportionate nothing to a person like her; their lack of imagination, that make them susceptible to things that people say to them as being the truth about the reality, made them had a small mind, that only could have simple and superficial interpretation about feelings and things; in this aspect, they always found the sexuality as being their most strong impulse and motivation, making them imagining everything as being a sexual relation to them,  this characteristic make them not dig their minds in a more deep and multiple way, because of their well directed concepts that could only see thing in a sexual way and nothing else. Even with a polite rejection, she caused damages to the inflamed egos of her admirers; because of being in front of something far beyond their own capacity, their own being, these admirers felt reduced, being necessary, at any coast, deconstruct that intense image in their heads, that caused a huge bad sensation, making them felt low. This depreciation was executed efficiently by many people and, consequently, the blind, stupid and susceptible ones absorb every words said by damaged egos as if were unquestionable truths. To be more precise, these ridiculous people gave a connotation of certainty and truth to painful and insecure declarations of the admirers, making them becoming estimated by these old admirers by reassuring and confirming insecure concepts, about people that they never really interacted with. Another motivation for hate was brought by all that unusual impetus, all that beauty and intensity of that amazing person, that made people realize how much they were limited, small, unconscious, this sensation was abandoned with the depreciation and the hate against the one who started these feelings.
            The reunion of these reasons created a generalized hate that constantly made every action of the unusual girl be interpreted as being futile, stupid and evil, creating a bad interpretation for all her acts, being this bad interpretation created by the worst things that the haters could imagine. In these minds, that always run away from strong feeling, from guilty, the capacity to have bad feelings about other people are amazing, extremely well developed, making these persons to be able to imagine, rapidly, many bad aspects and motivation to anything, creating an awful connotation to whatever they want. In these unconscious minds this act of self protection were interpreted in a wild way, acquiring huge and unreal proportions, making the act of hating someone or some idea even more intense, even more dangerous to the people that they don’t like, to the ones who make them felt bad about themselves. Remembering some moments, I feel amazed to know that she is still alive; I will never forget when five girls tried to beat her and, even after being stabbed by one of the aggressors, she passed out three of them and made two other girls run away desperately.
            This last story was extremely unusual and dangerous, demanding, for sure, an intervention coming by me, the only person truly capable of realize all her rarity and all the perfection of that girl, but that I felt incapable to do. This incapacity was not descendant of cowardice or anything like that, but was fruit of a delusional curiosity, of an intense will to know the truly dimension of things, their real aspects, exploring these things by experiences, feelings, and organizing and giving meaning with my imagination and my logical capacity; having this profound will, primarily I destroyed my ego, that made me keep distorted interpretation about the reality, and, consequently, I struggle myself to live uncommon and intense situations, many times creating them by myself, waiting that with this I could be able to made a profound and essential discovery. In that time I was young and hopeful, and thought that I possessed a powerful brain, capable to interpret, to imagine, to reunite the truly dimension of my feeling and things around me… Ah, sweet illusion. That fight was only one more occurring that I cannot measure with precision, one more experience that was inutile, that did not reveal nothing and almost cost the life of the person that I like the most…